Permission, please, to feel bummed....

Why is it when you read about trusting in God and always looking to Him and not your circumestances you get tested on it? I mean, its like the teacher who teaches you something one day and then gives you a pop quiz on it the next day? That's me.

Yesterday, God spoke to me about His loving care. How always trusting in Him is so much better. Well, today I went and weighed in. I think it is because I was totally siked to weigh in because I had excersized for like 2 hours every day! And then.....I GAINED a pound!!?!?!?!?!?! I was floored! I couldn't believe it. I fought back the tears until I got home. Then, I just bawled my eyes out. Jason called, and I was a little rude to him on the phone. But, he didn't have anything to say. He couldn't have said anything right at the moment ot make things better anyway.

I felt myself looking down into that hole of depression again. I felt gravity pull me in. I thought (briefly) about just going to bed and not waking up until Jason comes home this evening. Then, I made the comment to Jason "I feel like I'm falling (into depression)" and I thought to myself "And nobody is here to catch me." Then, my mind raced to yesterday...yes! Someone is here to catch me!

And that makes me cry right now as I type this...knowing that I DO have Someone to catch me. It isn't the end of the world. I can do better next week. I can eat right. I can write everything down. I can exercise EVERY day! I can drink my water. And that is what I plan to do. But more importantly, I have Someone who loves me. I have Someone who is going to catch me and keep me from falling into that pit. I know that before I would have just let the depression take control. But not anymore! God is here to help me. Sure, I still feel "bummed" but at least I'm going to get up off the ground and keep moving.

I think I'm going to give myself permission to be "bummed" but not "depressed."
How's that sound?