I stood in front of my son. He had disobeyed me. He had argued. He had fussed. Every ounce of me was
frustrated. I was tired. I was busy.
I disciplined with a quick action and left stomping mad.
My heart dropped when I dropped into the
chair upstairs. Is that going to teach him anything? I asked myself. I let my anger and frustration dissolve away
in prayers to God. I asked Him for forgiveness.
Mommy’s sorry. I said to him, explaining
the discipline. My rushing to finish my task almost cost me a moment lost with
my son. How many other moments have been lost to me just trying to rush? Why did it seem that ever since I started
writing, I was feeling so off balance not at peace with my life?
That was me.
I lived with a sadness of an underwhelmed soul. I would plop into bed at night dreaming about
all that I didn't get done. I resolved
to get up earlier, stay up later, or just do better. My days filled up with
stress, schedules, and sadness.
My soul, these past few months have been
spent focusing on my schedule and routine. Since my husband lost his job back in February, we've been searching for a routine. The upheaval from that weighs me down. I began writing as well. What started out as a simple blog, has become so much more than that. My dream is bigger now.
Was writing a Best Yes for me, right
now? Doubts flood through my mind. Guilt evades my heart every time I sit down to
write a sentence. Was I choosing writing
over something more important? Was my mothering suffering because I was
choosing to write now as well? What is my Best Yes? To answer this question, I needed wisdom.
I began to evaluate why I was so
hesitant to write and why my life felt off balance since beginning to
write. God began to show me that I had
neglected to put Him first and I had doubted whether He was calling me to
write. Confessing my lack of faith in
both areas released a weight I had been carrying. He still must come first - above my marriage, above my children, and now above my writing. In the quietness of my heart, He showed me that writing was something He really did want me to do. It was not chosen on a whim. It was not decided with haste. He wanted me to write.
I
questioned whether I could be a good mother AND a good writer. Neither will come without work. I've made mistakes in the past. I will continue to make mistakes. There will be times I will rush through life
and not live in the moment. But as I grow in wisdom, my heart will know what the Best Yes is for each season.
Motherhood is my first vocation. My family is first. I will not always do it right. But, I will no longer feel guilty for
choosing writing. I have all the resources (time, ability, money, passion, and
season) to invest in BOTH of these callings. After a conversation with Jason, I was assured that he felt the same. Nothing has seemed to fall away since I have been writing.
I have had to say small “no’s” along the
way. No to a Bible Study on a particular night. No to dance lessons for the two-year-old. No to helping with VBS. No to singing in the choir. No to joining too many home school groups. Through these no's, I've found My Best Yes:
Make sure to look at the TheBestYes.com and see some great videos and extra resources!!
Head over there and check out the other inspiring
Best Yes stories!
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