5/29/14

Waiting with Arms Full

Expectant mothers are everywhere! 

If you are pregnant, want to be pregnant, or were just pregnant - you see expecting mothers around every corner.

If you are pregnant, you smile and nod to one another, sharing a common bond.  You feel excited to know that you are not alone in your heartburn, headaches, backaches, and swollen ankles.

If you were just pregnant, you might be jealous - missing those tiny movements. Yet, you glance down at your sleeping infant and are truly glad that the delivery is behind you.

If you are waiting to be pregnant (especially if this waiting has been years), you look away.  You feel ashamed, sad, hurt, and maybe even angry because that is not you and you wish with all your heart that it could be you.

Jason and I have started telling people that we are expecting, 

only, we don't know when she'll be here, what she'll look like, or what kind of special need she will have. 

All parents wonder about their future children.

What color hair will she have?
What color will her eyes be?
Will she be healthy?

Adoption is so much harder.
Adopting parents wonder all of those things, but also, WHEN?

There is no perfect time-frame.  You can ask ten different agencies how long the wait is and you will get ten different answers.  The wait time varies from international to domestic.  International wait times vary country to country.  The time-frame also varies from special needs to healthy - and even with gender.  Average is 2-3 years. Yes, years.  With biological children - you have nine months to prepare.  It is a long ninth months.  It is tiring.  But you have a due date.  How many of our Facebook pages are cluttered with women and their countdowns? "You have 32 weeks left!"

There is no "due date" with adoption.
You wait.
You wait some more.
You hurry and gather paperwork - only to wait some more.
I cannot tell my children "By Christmas we will have a new little sister!" or "By this time next year she will be home."  I don't know.  Not knowing the time frame is very difficult.

I was reading another adoption mother's blog.  She is on her third adoption. She made a comment that really struck me.  She mentioned that this time around she wasn't waiting with empty arms.  What she meant was the first time her and her husband were adopting, they had no children. The first time adopting without a child would be so difficult, doing so with "empty arms."

My heart goes out to all the mother's out there who celebrated Mother's Day a few weeks ago with empty arms.  Some waiting with paperwork on file.  Some waiting with a little face on a card.  Some waiting because the government is taking it's good old time responding back. 

My heart is heavy as I am reminded that I wait with arms full, while others do not.

I had to step back this week and let that sink in. I have three wonderful little children! They keep me busy but have made my life so joyful! They are a beautiful reminder of God's grace. I am blessed to have them during this process.  Although this waiting is long, hard, and tiring - I am glad that God has allowed my adoption journey to include them. 

When we wait for something, we think of nothing but the thing we are waiting for:
the job.
the promotion.
the freedom.
the vacation.
the nice night out.
the work day to end.
the baby to sleep through the night.

Psalm 62:1-2, 8 "Truly my soul silently waits for God; from Him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not greatly be moved...Trust Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."

You may not think you have anything while you wait.  Maybe you think you are waiting with empty arms.  You are not.

You have God. 

And He is enough. 

He is a Rock.
He is Salvation.
He is your defense.
He is a refuge.
He is faithful.
He keeps His promises.
He delivers the pour and needy.
He hears the cries of those who trust Him.

I pray that whatever you are waiting for - remember that you do not wait with empty arms - you have so much in the Father!


An Adoption Update:

I  needed this lesson so much this week, and in the following weeks.  We will be doing a lot of waiting for a specific "yes or no."

Without giving too many specifics, we are considering another "waiting child."  It is an emotional roller coaster to go through the waiting.  We have decided to pursue her adoption.  Other families are interested, so the agency must choose who is going to move forward with what is called a "preliminarily match."  At this point we do not know whether we will be able to move forward with her or not. 

Please pray...
1. For patience as we wait. 
2. For wisdom for our agency. 
3. That God will keep our hearts guarded once again as we try not to be emotionally attached to this little girl.
4. That I can be reminded of the truth of Ps. 62:1 - I wait, but with arms full of God. (and of course my own little ones)