Newly In-Loves

So I can't sleep. It is midnight...and I think I'm just thinking about tomorrow. I need to go to the bank....call the plumber...walk...get back on the wagon with my eating right.

I'm thinking of a few people I know who are engaged, getting engaged...ect. I'm thinking about my marriage. I'm thinking about what I would like to tell them if I could be honest, truthful, and blunt.

I think I would tell them...

Four years ago I didn't picture myself here. Grown up. Thinking about kids.

Thinking about a house. Thinking about planning my dinners and grocery lists. I've grown so much since he asked me, while on one knee, to marry him. Marriage isn't what I thought it would be. In a good and bad way.

We have so much passion in our relationship. It spills over and floods my heart. I drown in the happiness sometimes. It's wonderful. That is what I would tell these "newly in-loves."

However, to be honest....The passion spills over in other ways as well. Just as passionately as we are in love....we can hate and be angry just as passionately. It is scary. I think of couples who I can't imagine fighting...the "perfect-we've-got-it-all-together-people." I think that why they might not fight is because they lack the passion. My love and I are so in love and have such passionately feelings for each other, that the enemy uses that against us. We've fought so much more since we've been married than when we dated. I'm sure there are lots of reasons for that...living together...personally clashes...but really, I think its because we live passionately.

So, for the newly in-loves.....Live and love passionately, but don't be discouraged (like I was/am) when you fight passionately too. Learn to forgive. Learn to love even the ugly parts of your partner. That's what I've learned in just 3 short years of marriage.

And read "Sacred Marriage" - I'm reading again and learning and being encouraged with the simple theme of:

"What if marriage is meant to make you HOLY, and not make you HAPPY"

-Just a thought :-)


Because our world doubts...

Luke 28-38- NIV
The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you."
Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end."

"How will this be?" Mary asked the angel.....[The angel replied,] "Nothing is impossible with God."
It's True

In your heart you
Hope it's true
Though you hold no expectation
In the deepest part of you
There's an open hesitation

But it's true
Kingdoms and crowns
The God who came down to find you

It's true
Angels on high
Sing through the night alleluia

Heard it told you
Think it's odd
The whole thing fraught with complication
The play begins with Baby God
And all His blessed implications

But it's true
Kingdoms and crowns
The God who came down to find you

It's true
Angels on high
Sing through the night alleluia

-Sara Groves


Sick baby

I could just cry for my little son.....
He's been so sick all day long.
How I wish I could make him feel better....

So small...
so helpless....
poor little baby. :-(


The Rebel Jesus

I love this song, sung by Bebo Norman on his Christmas CD. I love the idea that Christmas isn't about packages and presents. Christmas isn't about "cheer" or "celebration." It is about Jesus, who was a rebel.

All the streets are filled with laughter and light
And the music of the season
And the merchant's windows are all bright
With the faces of the children
And the families hurry into their homes
As the sky darkens and freezes
We'll be gathering around our hearths and tables
Giving thanks for God's graces....
...And the birth of the rebel Jesus

O they call Him by the Prince of Peace
And they call Him by the Savior
And they pray to Him upon the seas
And in every bold endeavor
And they fill His churches with their pride and gold
As their faith in Him increases
But they've turned the nature that I worship in
From a temple to a robber's den...
...In the words of the rebel Jesus
We guard our world with locks and guns
And we guard our fine possessions
And once a year when Christmas comes
We give to our relations
And perhaps we give a little to the poor
If the generosity should seize us
But if any one of us should interfere
In the business of why there are poor...
...They get the same as the rebel Jesus
But pardon me if I have seemed
To take the tone of judgment
For I've no wish to come between
This day and your enjoyment
In a life of hardship and of earthly toil
There's a need for anything that frees us
So I bed you pleasure
And I bid you cheer
From a heathen and a pagan
On the side of the rebel Jesus
-Written by Jackson Browne


O God, I have tasted Thy goodness,
and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more.

I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace.

I am ashamed of my lack of desire.

O God, the Triune God.
I want to want Thee;
I long to be filled with longing;
I thirst to be made thirsty still.

Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed.

Begin in mercy a new work of love within me.

Say to my soul. "Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away." Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.

In Jesus' name. Amen

-AW Tozer


For those who know true love

I know that a lot of people are "in love" but have no idea what true love is. Here is a song that could help show you. And if you have true love, you'll know be able to appreciate the words. May the newly "in loves" realize that love is a choice, a wonderful choice, but a very very hard choice.
Love Is A Good Thing...A Hard Thing...but a Good Thing

It knocked me down,
it dragged me out,
it left me there for dead.
It took all the freedom I wanted
and gave me something else instead.
It blew my mind,
it bled me dry,
it hit me like a long goodbye,
and nobody here knows better than I...
...that it’s a good thing.
Love is a good thing.
It’ll fall like rain on your parade,
laugh at the plans that you tried to make,
it’ll wear you down till your heart just breaks...
...and it’s a good thing.
Love is a good thing.
It’ll wake you up in the middle of the night,
it’ll take just a little too much.
It’ll burn you like a cinder
till you’re tender to the touch.
It’ll chase you down,
swallow you whole,
it’ll make your blood run hot and cold.
Like a thief in the night
it’ll steal your soul...
...and that’s a good thing.
Love is a good thing.
It’ll follow you down
to the ruin of your great divide,
and open the wounds that you tried to hide.
And there in the rubble of the heart that died...
...you’ll find a good thing.
Love is a good thing.
Take cover, the end is near.
Take cover, but do not fear.
It’ll break your will,
it’ll change your mind,
it’ll loose all the chains
of the ties that bind.
If you’re lucky you’ll never make it out alive...
...and that’s a good thing.
Love is a good thing.
It can hurt like a blast from a hand grenade
when all that used to matter is blown away.
There in the middle of the mess
it made you’ll find a good thing.
Yes, it’s worth every penny of the price you paid.
It’s a good thing.
Love is a good thing.
Do not fear.

-Written by Andrew Peterson
-For my husband, who loves me with everything he is. I love you with everything that I am. He knows me better than anyone on this earth, other than Jesus. Thank you for loving me inspite of who I am.


The aching may remain, but the breaking does not

It's enough to drive a man crazy; it'll break a man's faith

It's enough to make him wonder if he's ever been sane

When he's bleating for comfort from Thy staff and Thy rod

And the heaven's only answer is the silence of God

It'll shake a man's timbers when he loses his heart

When he has to remember what broke him apart

This yoke may be easy, but this burden is not

When the crying fields are frozen by the silence of God

And if a man has got to listen to the voices of the mob

Who are reeling in the throes of all the happiness they've got

When they tell you all their troubles have been nailed up to that cross

Then what about the times when even followers get lost?

'Cause we all get lost sometimes...

There's a statue of Jesus on a monastery knoll

In the hills of Kentucky, all quiet and cold

And He's kneeling in the garden, as silent as a Stone

All His friends are sleeping and He's weeping all alone

And the man of all sorrows, he never forgot

What sorrow is carried by the hearts that he bought

So when the questions dissolve into the silence of God

The aching may remain, but the breaking does not

The aching may remain, but the breaking does not

In the holy, lonesome echo of the silence of God

-Andrew Peterson, "Silence of God"


A New Calling

I would have titled this a "true" calling or a "right" calling, but it isn't. For me, it is a "new" calling.


Something I have dreamed about since I was a young woman. I've always loved children.
I remember listing "having a baby" as one of those things I wanted to do before I die. I wanted to feel that child move inside of me. Sit in a rocking chair and rock that child to sleep.

Dreams and reality can be quite different!

I didn't realize that yes, while I could feel him move inside me, I also struggled through sleepless nights and heartburn. Yes, I get to sit (everynight at 2AM) and rock him.

But it isn't that that has me thinking about my "calling." For so long I worked towards becoming a teacher. I endured the endless classes and finally got my first job. I worked toward becoming a good teacher. Now what am I?
The world would tell me that I'm wasting my life. Sometimes I think that too. But I'm not, I know I'm not. I know that I get to see his "first" everything:
His first smile
His first laugh
His first time rolling over
His first sneeze
His first love
Those are amazing.
I can't imagine giving that up. I can't imagine giving him up to someone else.

But here I am, discontented. Why? I don't know. I used to chalk it up to depression, PPD.
But here I am, six months out and not feeling better. Many tears I have cried.
I think the issue is in the fullfillment. I wasn't feeling fulfilled in being a teacher.
I wasn't feeling fulfilled in being a mom.
Now, what is my fulfillment?

And that quiet voice, beckons me. He is my fulfullment.
My Lord, My God, My Salvation, My Rock, My Shield, My Father, My Love, My Friend, My All

"O God, take me to your side. Take me and keep me there. I want to desire You more. I want to want you. Help me find my fullfillment in YOU!"


Jason's Song for Me...Canaan Bound

When I'm thinking about missions and leaving my family behind in the future....it scares me. Jason likes to sing this song to me.
Written by Andrew Peterson:

Sarah, take me by my arm
Tomorrow we are Canaan bound
Where westward sails the golden sun
And Hebron's hills are amber crowned
So bid your troubled heart be still

The grass, they say, is soft and green
The trees are tall and honey-filled
So, Sarah, come and walk with me
Like the stars across the heavens flung
Like water in the desert sprung
Like the grains of sand, our many sons
Oh, Sarah, fair and barren one
Come to Canaan, come

I trembled at the voice of God
A voice of love and thunder deep
With love He means to save us all
And Love has chosen you and me
Long after we are dead and gone
A thousand years our tale be sung
How faith compelled and bore us on
How barren Sarah bore a son

So come to Canaan, come
Where westward sails the golden sun
And Hebron's hills are amber crowned
Oh, Sarah, take me by my arm
Tomorrow we are Canaan Bound


Who I am and Who I Have

Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart fail;
But GOD is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
But it is good for me to DRAW NEAR TO GOD;
I have put my trust in the Lord God
That I may declare all Your works.
Psalm 73:25-28


I love the psalms...the Bible...songs...pictures...and music.
The Lord speaks to me through all of these things.
This journal will be a record of my thoughts and feelings towards life.
Sometimes there will be:
or anything else that strikes me as from God.
So, walk with me through this journey called life.
"This Journey is My Own" but I do not walk alone.