Paperwork...Paperwork

I've never been so excited about paperwork in my life! I have about an inch thick worth of paperwork to sort through. I have looked through it a couple of times. Jason and I spent an evening this past week looking through and filling out some of the forms. The first day it came in the mail I was jumping up and down excited to see it! After a few days of waiting for Jason to have time to sit down with me, I was still pretty pumped-up to get started. We decided that there were a few things we could do now, but most of it would have to wait for instructions from the social worker. Her first visit is scheduled for next Friday (Jan. 31). Looking at the stack today, the feelings of being overwhelmed are hitting me.

It. Is. A. Lot. Of. Paperwork.

There is a HUGE checklist that includes fingerprints, background checks, family care plans, training, SAFE questionnaires, medical exam reports, and home safety checklists. I now know why people are saying 3 months for the home study to be completed. And that doesn't include the time spent (30 hours to be exact) in training OR the time spent completing the Dossier (which is different than the home study and takes more time)

WHEW

It can be overwhelming looking at the big picture. It seems a long, twisty road ahead. I thought I knew the path, but now that I am looking ahead, I'm not so sure I know the way. There are so many ups and downs just waiting to happen. There are so many unseen variables that you cannot even begin to calculate all the possible scenarios. For a "planner" like me - this is torture. I like to plan. I like to have things in order. I enjoy going over all of the details and finding a plan. I am OC about a lot of things.

I had to step back and take a breath. I had to look around and say a few things to myself:

1. "You do not have to see the big picture. God does. That is enough."
2. "You do not need to know all the turns in the road. God does. That is enough."
3. "You cannot put a time frame on this process. God knows the time. That is enough."
4. "You must let go of all your fears. Put one step in front of the other (fill out one form at a time) and move forward.

Instead of this process being torturous for me (which it very well could!), I want to trust. I want to spend my energy trusting instead of worrying. Trusting is not a passive verb - but an active one. I must be active in filling out paperwork, making phone calls, setting up appointments, and continuing to do what I know I can do - all the while TRUSTING.

So, let me get back to trusting....while I fill out another form.